"I'm not going to lie. I don't like that guy. He's been awful to deal with. So I do enjoy the idea of ruining his weekend."
Stephen Benson (32) is a rather jaded litigation lawyer. For the last several weeks, he has been acting for a client in a hotly-contested commercial matter. The opposing lawyer is an uber-aggressive douchebag who has been making Stephen's life difficult at every turn.
For the latter half of this week, Stephen has been pouring over the contract entered into between their respective clients and a bunch of associated documents. And to his absolute joy, he has found a couple of clauses in the contract that basically sink that douchebag's case. It was a very pleasing discovery to say the least.
He has prepared the mother of all "fuck-off" letters, and it has been ready to go for a few hours. But Stephen has held off temporarily, waiting for the perfect moment to send the email and ruin that dude's weekend. For that purpose, he has decided that the right moment is 4.45pm.
It gives him just enough time to digest the dreadful twist of fate that has befallen him in time for the weekend. But not enough time to do anything about it. It's just wonderful.
Stephen explains that he is not normally like this.
"I'm not the sort of guy who spends a lot of time thinking about how to ruin someone's weekend. But that is what this douche has brought out in me. He's such a patronising weasel nobhead smartarse. So yeah I do get a fair bit of joy out of the fact that his case has gone from pretty strong to completely useless. On Monday, he will have to explain to his client that they don't have a case. And, the best part, he will come crawling to me begging to settle. This victory tastes sweeter than most."
The late Friday arvo email bomb is somewhat of an Australian institution, with a whopping 93% of people professing to having either sent or received one. They are horrible to receive. But if sent to the right person, they can be more satisfying than a perfectly poured beer.
Speaking of which, it's about that time of week. And for Stephen, it will taste particularly nice this week.