“I’m in a world of pain. Whose idea was it to get trashed on a school night! Because of some pony race in Melbourne. It’s nonsense. But yeah I’m just trusting my body here. Fingers crossed this works.”
Janice from Accounts was a spectacular drunk mess at Melbourne Cup lunch and drinks yesterday, having an absolutely massive day. Janice doesn't recall whose idea it was to then kick on to the Oakview after their Melbourne Cup lunch, but she's pretty sure that person has a lot to answer for. That's where things really escalated.
She informs us that this morning has so far been far less enjoyable than yesterday. She started the day with a furry mouth that tasted like an ashtray for some reason, and she is seriously questioning whether it will be possible to survive today.
Janice explains that the day after Melbourne Cup Day has got to be the toughest day of the year.
"So my idiot body decided to wake me up at 4am for some reason. Which then left me with a couple of hours to lie in bed staring at the ceiling and reliving all of my finest moments from yesterday. Including horrible flashbacks to busting outrageous dance moves way before anyone else was dancing. Just remembering all the random crap I was going on with. And trying to figure out why my mouth tastes so gross. I didn't smoke yesterday did I? Surely not."
She explains that having Melbourne Cup on a Tuesday is surely someone's idea of a cruel joke.
"So the basic premise, if I'm not mistaken, is that we all hit the sauce on a bloody Tuesday. A school night. Because of some pony race in Melbourne. Then we all have to go back to work the next day and see literally everyone you just embarrassed yourself in front of. While they remind you of all the glorious stuff you did the day before. And then you try to pretend to be a fully-functional human being capable of performing your job. When you're literally trying to figure out how to get to the end of the day without collapsing. Cool plan, whoever decided Tuesday was the best day for this stuff. Thanks heaps."
Janice already feels like she's had a long and arduous day at work, but the truth is that the day is only just getting started. Her current plans do not extend beyond a vitamin water and a bacon and egg roll. If they don't improve her predicament, she's completely stuffed.