“Yeah I’ve always been a strange cat. Right since I hit puberty, I realised I was into some pretty weird things. Being spanked. Dominated. Whips and whatnot. And there’s only one restaurant where I am spoken to the way I like to be spoken to.”
To the casual observer on the street, Albert David is a normal, unremarkable guy. He’s polite, friendly and quietly spoken.
However, ever since hitting puberty, Albert figured out that he enjoys the wilder things in the bedroom. In particular, he is a masochist of the highest order.
He likes to be whipped, spanked and generally mistreated in the bedroom. He’s got all sorts of paraphernalia at home, and he’s managed to find a loving partner who is willing to come to the party.
However, such is his enjoyment of being mistreated, he’s found himself seeking it out in his day-to-day life, and not just in the bedroom.
Albert explains that, after much searching, he has found the restaurant of his dreams.
“Oh mate. My local yum cha. I would eat there every day if I could. Every aspect of the experience is arousing. I mean it’s a joke. You sit down. Someone will then clear the table without making eye contact or even acknowledging your existence. Then they walk off. Before someone else comes up, looking at you like you are ruining their day. It's bloody fantastic."
Albert reckons most restaurants and cafes do absolutely nothing for him.
"Oh yeah. Most restaurants go by this 'customer is always right' mantra that does absolutely nothing for me. I like to be despised. I like to ask someone for a drink, only for them to point at another staff member and tell me to ask them. I like to be bumped by a trolley without an apology. I bloody love yum cha."
Albert also explains that he particularly likes to go to yum cha with his Chinese friends.
"I do love the way I'm treated at yum cha. But what really gets me going is when I ask for something and they say no. And then my Chinese friends tell me they'll handle it. And they end up in some hostile discussion in Mandarin before the waiter begrudgingly does what they're told. It's just so angry and hostile. It's just gets me going, you know?”
The only thing he enjoys more than the meal itself is the cab ride home. He reckons that's the only way to travel.