“It seems a bit early to me. I feel pretty sweet, and in fact I was just pointing out that the beers haven’t really hit me. And yet as soon as I got to the bathroom I realised we were at that stage already.”
Robbie Kefson (25) headed out this evening for a farewell shindig with a couple of friends from work. In Robbie’s view, they’d been taking it easy and pacing themselves pretty well.
He’d had a few beers and a scotch when he needed to head in a dunnyward direction for the first of many times. He was feeling sweet as a pickle when he strolled in, and saw that there was no space at the urinal.
So he popped into one of the cubicles. And as he unzipped and did his thing, he was shocked by an occurrence that he felt was deadset at least couple of hours early. As he started peeing, he found his left hand leaning against the wall above the toilet.
This was troubling. The location of the non-doodle-holding hand is a pretty good indication of how well you are travelling. It’s a far better barometer than any other sort of self-assessment. So despite the fact that Robbie “felt sweet”, he was in fact quite pissed.
Robbie explains his shock.
“Whoah where did that come from? I was just having a cruisy night. Then I find out I’m quite pissed and need a little support from the wall to stand up? Like standing and peeing is too much multitasking for me? That’s not good. That’s a shocking sign.”
We asked whether Robbie intended to ease up at all, given the information he had gleaned from the bathroom. He confirmed that he would not.
“Haha nah it’s not that much of a concern. If I was also resting my head on that hand, as I have been known to do from time to time, then yeah maybe. But this is not worth changing my drinking rhythm over.”
When he wakes up tomorrow, Robbie may realise that it was an important fork in the road and that he chose incorrectly.