"We use this Microsoft Teams thing at work. It goes alright, giving everyone a place to ask questions and give advice about work and whatnot. And GIFS. Lots of GIFS. But would it be so hard for the software to have some overnight lockout or something?"
James Holland works at an up-and-coming IT company. It is one of those companies that has followed the Apple and Google example, with break-out rooms and every possible modern comfort and gimmick for their employees. This includes table tennis, arcade games and all sorts of fun stuff.
The office is also divided up into various chat/messaging groups, with that form of communication fast becoming the office's preferred means of communication.
James loves it, although he admits the main purpose of the messaging service currently appears to be the proliferation of a perpetual stream of hundreds of GIFs and other nonsense.
However, last night, James stumbled upon a very problematic glitch in the software. The problem? It can be accessed by the staff from their mobile phones. At any time of night. In any state of sobriety or inebriation.
James woke up this morning, checked his phone, and immediately realised there was a problem. James had obviously returned from a few drinks with his mates last night and sat himself in front of the TV with his phone. But instead of his usual habit of arguing with online trolls and watching questionable Youtube videos, he had done something much worse.
At first, he saw that he had sent some lame GIFs to the chat group for his immediate work team. Slightly embarrassing but nothing to be too concerned about.
However, he felt physically ill when he saw that he had also slid into the "Team Leaders" group, being a group that he had only recently joined after a promotion. It had a completely different vibe to the other group, and wasn't really a place for mucking around. It was generally GIF-free and a place for serious work discussion.
He had posted some really weird stuff in there last night. He'd posted a GIF of a horse taking a shit, and had captioned it "When Deborah goes rogue". He doesn't even know what it meant, but it sounds messy and passive-aggressive and he's quite sure that Deborah will take offence.
He had also posted a weird series of GIFs, with really strange comments about how they relate to their workplace. He had no idea what he was trying to say last night, but he knew his workmates would be coming up with their own theories this morning.
James explains that he has some pretty epic remorse.
"It's so indescribably awful. I really posted some shit in there last night. And it's not fair. Why is that thing even capable of being used 24 hours a day. Surely we don't need it at 3am on a Sunday morning. How could any good come of that!"
Amongst all his self-pity and hangxiety this morning, James has managed to find one small positive.
"Yeah so I've thought of the next app that I want us to develop. I want it to be a breathalyser thing that attaches to your phone. If you fail that sobriety test, you can't access the work chat groups. No GIFs, no cheeky comments. Nothing."
Sounds like a good idea.