The pub realised that their patrons were more concerned with the general aesthetic, rather than trivial matters like the plunging temperature.
As winter began to really bite this year, pubs and hotels have had the opportunity to show off their outdoor heaters.
We spoke to hotelier Dalton Perkins-Hatley, who explains that he has made the decision to prioritise appearance over functionality.
“Look I know it seems counter-intuitive. Our outside area gets pretty bloody freezing. So you would think our patrons would like some of those outdoor heaters that, you know, emit heat. But nah our research indicates that they would actually prefer some sexy-looking contraptions that focus a bit less on functionality.”
With very few exceptions, this is the prevailing view across the industry. The days of the big ugly outdoor heater that actually works are pretty much behind us. Thankfully, they are being replaced by cool see-through things that allow you to see a very sexy, small, thin flame, without all that pesky heat.
We asked Mr Perkins-Hayley if he had any advice for weirdos who miss the old heat-emitting units.
“The trick with these new things is to get close. I mean really close. You need to pretty much bear-hug them as the night cools down. And you should also just stare at that thin wisp of flame. I heard that if you stare at it and imagine it’s actually heating you, then the power of the mind can take care of the rest. Never really worked for me though. I tend to just stay inside.”
They do look bloody sexy though.