“Mr Jones is a complicated character. He often takes very public positions that seem to contradict commonsense and even his personal life. In particular, his vocal and obnoxious attacks on New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern are reminiscent of his passionate recent defence of Israel Folau. That can mean only one thing.”
Alan Belford Jones AO, via his career as a radio broadcaster, has access to a very large audience. That audience hangs on his every word, hoping that he will tell them how to feel and how to vote on a wide array of political and social issues.
Like it or not, this means that his opinions matter.
However, it is not always clear how he comes up with his views, which often contradict commonsense and certain aspects of his own personal life.
We sat down with the one person who perhaps knows him best, his current biographer James Sicker-Phant, to discuss his recent antics.
“Oh yes he’s an enigma alright. I remember when I was first trying to figure him out. At first, when it came to David vs Goliath battles, I’d often see him support Goliath. So I thought that was his modus operandi. But then he’d randomly support some farmer or something. So I could never figure him out. But now, a few years later and after really studying him closely, I now understand how his mind works.”
We asked James about Jones’ recent extraordinary attack on New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, in which he told his listeners that Scott Morrison should “shove a sock down her throat”.
“Yeah even I thought that was a bit strange. But I’ve figured it out. You see, Alan Jones must be a closet Kiwi. That would explain everything. Trust me. I know he says he was born in Queensland. But nope I’m 100% certain he’s actually a Kiwi. You always seem to hurt those closest to you.”
He went on to explain that, in an unrelated matter, the other recent time Alan Jones had taken an inexplicably hostile stance was during discussions about Israel Folau’s contractual dispute with the ARU.
“Oh yes that debate has got Mr Jones very hot under the collar. He’s really passionate about that contractual dispute for some reason. He heard what Folau had said on social media and, well, it got him feeling supportive. And beware anyone who wants to side with the ARU. Jones is fired up for some reason. Just like the Ardern thing.”
So there it is. Behind closed doors at home, Alan Jones is a Jandal-wearing, chilly-bin owning, All-Black supporting, rampant Kiwi.
In hindsight, the clues have been there all along. We should have suspected that he was protesting a little too much back in the 80s when he started coaching the Wallabies.