“If I may, Mr Bouncer, he’s only had a couple of drinks. There’s been a flagrant denial of natural justice on this occasion.”
Law students are an excruciating punish at the best of times. But give them a few drinks and a noble cause, and they are downright embarrassing.
Daley Rimmington (23) had been wetting his whistle last Friday evening at the Crows Feet Hotel with a few old school friends. He was boring everyone by recounting a case from his torts lecture when his friend Steve (24) received the dreaded tap on the shoulder from a Polynesian Doorway Integrity Officer.
It was clear to Daley that his friend stood no chance as an unrepresented litigant, and his pro bono assistance was required.
“If I may, Mr Bouncer. This is a miscarriage of justice. It is patently clear that there are people in there who are significantly more inebriated than my learned friend here.”
But the bouncer was having none of it.
“Nah mate he’s pissed as. Look at him.”
Daley was frustrated. He was slurring his own words, and he was losing the case. He then proceeded to throw in a few references to procedural fairness, the interests of justice, a couple of Latin words and even claimed that human rights were being violated. None of it worked.
“Look mate I’m not letting your friend back in. In fact, you’ve obviously had a skinful too. You can both call it a night.”
It was time for Daley’s closing address, which will forever be a lowlight of his legal career. He proceeded to ridicule the bouncer, his job, his intelligence and his life choices. It was not pretty.
We spoke to his client about the altercation.
“Mate I was happy to leave. I had drunk a bit too much. I was wobbly, and I reckon I would’ve kicked me out too. I don’t know what old mate Daley was thinking. He reckons he’s Harvey Spector that bloke.”