“It’s a good system. Democratically elected parliament makes laws. Then god sets fire to some trees or some shit. Then Izzy comes on after the sport section to tell us which bits of the law caused the fire or hail or whatever. Legislators then watch and legislate accordingly.”
One issue that has always troubled Australia’s lawmakers, particularly the religious ones, is the fact that the big man upstairs insists on moving in mysterious ways.
While it would obviously make things easier if he would ditch that policy and go with a more transparent communication strategy, we can only play with the cards we’re dealt.
Israel Folau appreciates that this leaves our legislators in a tough spot. For example, god doesn’t pop down and directly intervene in parliamentary proceedings like the passing of the gay marriage legislation. He’ll just set fire to some trees or some shit. Or, in the case of the estimated 87% of fires that were deliberately lit, he'll convince some kids to do it.
As you would imagine, analysing complex climate and weather events to extract their legislative intent is an intellectual challenge that only a genius could handle.
That’s where Israel Folau comes in. He is that genius. At first, he may appear to be starting with a conclusion like “I wish gay people couldn’t marry each other”, then looking at burning trees and extracting a convenient yet invisible conclusion.
But nope. He told us that he actually has a gift. He is a very rare form of “weather whisperer”. And we understand that news networks are offering him huge money (his favourite type of money) to join the weather man during the nightly news broadcast.
He will then translate the showers, storms, clear skies, hail, smog and whatnot into legislation that the big fella upstairs would like passed by both houses of our bicameral legislature.
Politicians will then watch, and vote accordingly the following day.
It’s so simple it just might work.