“The NSW Premier admits that it’s certainly a departure from the traditional approach of having experts conduct assessments based on their years of experience and available information. But when she heard how much sense Trudy has made in her 43 posts on the topic, we knew we’d be in even safer hands with her.”
Trudy Halliday bloody loves hysteria. In fact, the only thing she likes more than hysteria is her local community Facebook page, which also just happens to be a fantastic outlet for her hysterical tendencies.
When a couple of cars were broken into in her neighbourhood recently, she took to her beloved Facebook group to describe it as “the escalating crime wave menacing our streets” and asked "what has happened to our lovely neighbourhood?"
When the local council made a slight change to the way they collect garbage, she was on that page trying to garner community outrage about the “complete debacle” and “shamozzle” that it apparently was.
Most recently, the genuinely worrying bushfires have provided the perfect excuse for Trudy to well and truly lose her little mind and go completely batshit crazy.
She has downloaded an app that indicates where and when a fire breaks out, and she really loves describing the location and severity of fires on that Facebook page in the most ridiculous and panic-mongering way possible. It’s as if she is trying to drive her entire community mad.
Now, she has decided that any display of fireworks this New Years Eve is equivalent to a declaration of hatred towards our beloved firefighters, and the worst war crime that could ever possibly be committed.
When a young parent, Sylvia Archimedes, asked the Facebook community where would be a good place to watch the fireworks this year, Trudy hysterically blurted out that the fireworks won’t be on if they’re cancelled.
Really helpful, Trudy.
Trudy also said that the country should cancel the fireworks immediately, largely basing that view on the strength of her own escalating personal feelings.
In a unique approach, we are now informed by a jubilant Trudy that sanity has finally prevailed, and the ultimate decision will be made by her as to whether the city’s famous fireworks display will proceed.
“Yeah I got a call yesterday. They were just so impressed by all my Facebook comments and manic agitated typing. They could see that their experts’ calculations and assessments were clearly no match for my sheer passion and hysteria. So I’ve been asked to make the call. And they’re cancelled. All of them. Even the big ones over the harbour that bring in millions of dollars of revenue. Also the ones at beaches. Just all of them.”
We asked if she was excited about her new promotion from fringe lunatic to fully-fledged decision-maker. But she couldn’t answer.
She was too busy typing “F” under some posts she was interested in following.