“We’ve got a little seafood fiesta here ready to go. Honestly, the idea of heading out with every other pleb in the city is just gross, and I can’t think of anything worse. We’re just gonna have a night of love right here.”
Alex and Amy Jackson are newlyweds. Happy, lovely, smug newlyweds.
They spent the latter part of this year prepping for their wedding, and then had an extended and absolutely wonderful honeymoon.
Normally, they love to hit the town on New Year’s Eve. However, this year they’ve decided to stay in. And, for some reason, they think they’re the first couple in history to do so.
We caught up with the excruciatingly smug lovebirds in the lead-up to a night of JOMO, a term that Amy was more than happy to explain to us.
“You know FOMO? Well this is the opposite. It’s the joy of missing out. Actual joy. We were planning on heading out, but then Alex was like ‘Why don’t we just hang at home?’ And we honestly can’t wait.”
With that, the lovebirds exchanged a look that revealed just how fond they are of each other and themselves. A look that conveyed a sense of groundbreaking originality to which they really aren’t entitled. It was quite gross.
Alex explained that there was only one reveller he wanted to leap with into 2020.
“Yeah this is my girl. We’ve had such a special year with the wedding and honeymoon and whatnot. It just seems appropriate to ring in the new year just the two of us.”
We asked if he had any second thoughts at all.
“Nope I can’t wait for a night of love right here with my darling. Unless you have tickets to NYE In The Park. Then my arm could be twisted. You don’t know anyone who has any by any chance?”
When we informed him that we didn’t, the genuine disappointment in his eyes suggested that he was still coming to terms with the couple’s new persona.