Sick Shuffler Likes The Chances His Sport Will Be Next Added To Olympics

"Surely we're next after breakdancing. If we lose out to bloody gabber I'm gonna go mental."

Dave "Wildboy" Henson is a sick shuffler. According to all his mates, he is in fact the sickest in their group of mates. The pinnacle of his sport, up until now, has probably been Stereo or Defqon or other events of that magnitude.

Wildboy tells us that, even at an event like Defqon or Stereo, he's probably the "sickest shuffler in the whole bloody place". For that reason, Wildboy reckons he's one imminent announcement away from packing his bags For Tokyo.

"I heard breaking has been added to the Olympics. That's mad hey. I don't mind breakdancing. Tried it for a bit back in the day. I used to be a pretty mad b-boy in my time. But now I shuffle exclusively. When Shuffling is added to the Olympics, and it fucken will, I'm not bragging but I would probably be the first person on that plane. Everyone always tells me I'm sick at it. And I am. Check this out."

He proceeded to show us a pretty sweet video of him shuffling at a rave. While it was honestly quite impressive, we found it extremely hard to figure out what set him apart from, say, the other people around him who seemed to be doing exactly the same sort of dancing. He didn't like that observation.

"Are you having a lend of me? You can't see the difference between me and that guy? Look at his arms. They're just by his bloody sides like he's riverdancing. He's seriously just riverdancing in fluoro! And that other guy has gone too far the other way. He's flailing like a madman. I get it just right. And it's that sort of shit that the judges are gonna be looking for in Tokyo."

We understand that the final additional Olympic sport will come down to either Shuffling or Gabber. However, we are informed by Wildboy that Gabber can't be an Olympic sport with the International Olympic Committee's current tough stance on doping.

"Do you know how munted you need to be to gabber at the highest level? Let's just say a drug-free Olympic gabber event is not something anyone should have to see!"